Monday, July 21, 2008


Raise your hand if you are over 21. Thank you.
Raise your hand if you have ever had a baby. Thank you.
Raise your hand if you are (or once was) ten or more pounds overweight. Thank you.
Raise your hand if your hearing is okay. Thank you.

I think you all have probably raised a hand at least once, and some maybe all four times.

Now, raise your hand if you have ever bent over to pick up an object off the floor (or road) and heard a grotesque sound coming somewhere from deep within your gut. Nope, not a fart. It's kind of a grunt. No, maybe a groan. Imagine you are in the boxing ring with Rocky Balboa and he just hit you in the stomach as hard as he could. Now do you recognize the sound? (If you don't know the sound I'm describing then it is possible you do need your hearing checked.)

Here's the problem. I don't know how to spell this sound. Huumph? Ughmph? Urgh? In the blogosphere I have learned all kinds of words (ex: blogosphere?) that are not in Webster's Dictionary, letters that are combined to demonstrate a particular sound or facial expression. For instance, pfft, blech, aarrgghh, etc. You all have your favorites.

The reason that I need to know how to spell this sound is that over the last four years I have perfected a technique of how to prevent this noise from escaping when I reach down to pick up coinage. I am thinking that this secret might be worth some major cash if it is marketed to Woman's Day or Ladies Home Journal.

There could be a cut in the profits for the one who can come up with the correct order of vowels and consonants.


1 comment:

Casidub said...


Kindof like a hug, but gruntier.