Monday, November 24, 2008

House Rules

We are looking forward to having guests for the holidays this week. In order to create a more relaxed and stress-free atmosphere I will post my House Rules. These rules are familiar to those who frequent our little abode but newcomers might want to memorize them.

1. Please don't disturb the dust. It has taken months for it to accumulate. I will be doing my best to remove the most visible collection places in the next few days. If you find a place that I have missed just grab a cloth and swipe over it. Don't write your name in it for the next guest to find.

2. Sleep in the bed. Yes, in the past I have had a guest who slept on top of the quilt because he didn't want to get the sheets dirty. Puhleeze, pull the quilt back and get inside the sheets. I promise they are clean. And washable. Same with towels. Use them.

3. I am not tall. If you see cobwebs hanging from light fixtures please take care of them. This is something I have tried for years to teach my tall family members but they just don't listen. The same with dust on top of the refrigerator. Come on, Mr. Eris, tell me when it is disgusting up there!

4. Speaking of the fridge, check it out when you get here. Also, check out the pantry. If there is something there that you want to eat, please help yourself. I'm trying to get back into my smaller jeans and the last thing I need is lots of leftovers to tempt me.

5. While you are here please fix the downstairs DVD player, the TV and the TV remote. They are not playing together well. Also, it would be nice if you left a detailed user's guide on how to work them when you leave.

6. Last and most important, for all those under 16, don't step over the line.

Can't wait to see you all! The jelly rings await!

$.36

7 comments:

Eris said...

Are you kidding? Mr. Eris doesn't even help with the top of our fridge.... actually, he's the worst one for putting crap up there!

athena said...

So is D-Rock! I have to get after him every couple of months to get his crap off there! Lord knows I don't put junk up there!

Muriel said...

We have to keep the cereal, bread and chips up there. Whoever designed my kitchen needs to be shot. There.is.no.pantry.

I'll look at the remote and see what can be done.

I appreciate the posting of rules. Make sure you let my kids know exactly where that line is. We're looking forward to visiting. See you all in a couple of days.

The Duchess said...

I am really getting sad now.

Loki said...

Ready or not...here we come. Trying to fix the remote or dvd is a small price to pay for jelly ring access. But, truth be told, Muriel is far better at that kind of stuff. Here's hoping for lots of mashed potatoes and rolls.

swooze said...

OK I have to ask where you are finding this money. My most lucrative spots are peoples pants pockets when they dont empty them before I wash. Otherwise I hardly find money outside. Pennies the occassional nickel or dime...

Numismatist Facts said...

Followup notes:

Muriel, your kids will see the line the minute they walk in the house. And the other kids will tell them if they cross it!

Loki, okay, now I'm worried. I have ten pounds of potatoes and maybe I should get five more. Zeus is the offical potato peeler but I may have to call in reinforcements. Also, there is a large bag of jelly rings hidden in the house right now. Unfortunately, I know where they are. That is dangerous.

Duchess, we are sad, too. But at least you will be here for Christmas.

Swooze, the secret to finding money is to get out on the streets early, early in the morning, walk through parking lots and look towards the light source. Those coins sparkle like a vampire. (Aarrggh, did I really just write that? Ewww.) Zeus likes to joke that we would never starve as long I keep running.